I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
