Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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