I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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