You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
