Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
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