I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
