Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
