I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
