hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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