Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
