y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
