I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
