My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
