I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
