I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
