But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
