I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
