i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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