Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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