You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
