Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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