whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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