Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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