I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
