it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
