i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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