You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
