Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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