Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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