Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize