Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
