White coat. Heels.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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