Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
