And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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