I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
