my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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