i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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