She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
