i need an iv and a liver transplant
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
