you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
