Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
