is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
