its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
