the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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