I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
