My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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