So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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