it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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