I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
