Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
