Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
