she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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