your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
