You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
