at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
