I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
