Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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