the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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