I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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