M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
