You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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