we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
