The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
