So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
