hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
