I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
