Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
