hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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