girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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