i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
