Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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