so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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