Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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