She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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