he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
