I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
