i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize