Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
