dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
