Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
