I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
