Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
