my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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