i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My penis needs a shock collar
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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