she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
