I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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