first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
