Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
