I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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