He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
