Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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