Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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