I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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