Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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