My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
