I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
