naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize