i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
