I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
