its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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